I'm not a Player

Twitter?

2009-09-23T09:33:26Z

I'm beginning to think that making a Twitter account would be in my best interest. It'd be more suited for my random, short bursts of thoughts instead of these consistently long posts which i can opt to do once in a while. I never really wanted to conform to making an account though! It just seemed cheesy -_-.

Ever since I stopped writing my daily life out, i've seem to have gotten lost in my thoughts. Speaking in short-term time, I never really had a good track of when things happen. Damn my past drug-use! I'm also a little paranoid that i'm spending way much more money then I normally do. I'm losing balance in some aspects, but have been gaining some in others. I feel a little more liberated mentally, and have channeled this energy into the more productive parts of my life.

I'm trying to distract myself less at work and just focus on the tasks at hand. Things keep piling up even though I get a lot of work done and all i can do is just count down the weeks until i can truly dedicate myself to the office and making REAL money.

APO started off really slow but i'm mentally getting into it now. Pinning is this week and all the pledges will be going through what I just recently went through, awww :) . I'm planning services and wanting to partake in a lot of it. I want to blog about the joy and satisfaction that giving back can bring instead of just the meaningless antics i do regularly. I fricking need a planner, man. I also went to Mika's apartment for the past two nights. Hanging out with them is fun, and this is really what i wanted earlier! Just a nice group of kids that kick it and do or say silly things. I love that I can be totally retarded or perverted or creepy and still feel comfortable... even if they dont! harharharhar >:]

I think i'm planning an SD trip on the 9th. I'm looking forward to the activities going around in my head and all the new experiences :] .

Black Nails with a Zebra Middle Finger.

2009-09-22T09:54:53Z

Another new week is now beginning to pass by. Only one more week left in September! Wow. It was a pretty long day at school. Nothing really worth mentioning except stuff in Vietnamese class. I made a up a quiz i completely bombed earlier and after seeing how chill he is, i fell even deeper in like with my teacher :) . He let us partner up and he kept leaving the room for us to cheat and he even corrected some people's test for them LOL. Went through class and got to finish it with some previous video examples he had for our midterm. They were actually pretty funny/good. I think i'll have fun doing this; it's just a shame that none of the cute girls are in my group, wahhh!

A somber walk with Karen out. even though i love her, our "beliefs" really clash and it's really saddening sometimes -_-. But it's too small of an issue for me to make a big deal out of so i'll just live with it. I really didn't feel like going home so I hit up Kim. Went over and found out that Mika had JUST gotten home from SF :) . It was really fun kicking it with em and Tim. We went to go get me food and their ice cream to come back to watching shows and messing around. Kim and her ADD was distracting me from concentrating on Veronica Mars! Sigh, i let her paint my nails black and it's pretty weird. I was weirded out washing my face and brushing my teeth and I have to fricking keep this until the end of our meeting tomorrow!

Kim got excited at the fact that Halloween is drawing near. I haven't really celebrated a "real" Halloween in quite some years. For some reason, i'm kind of looking forward to hanging out with them and having fun like i used to as a kid. They had some goofy ass ideas, but I think it was kind of cute!

New Mattress and Weekend with Angela.

2009-09-20T22:09:35Z

So i was feeling a bit down for the last few days; although, things are finally starting to turn themselves right back around. It's been really busy at work so it definitely helps to keep my mind off of things. I'm taking a break from poker until my mental focus is back and waiting on a couple of paychecks to help my bankroll out a little bit. A couple of people owe me way too much money that i need to get back. Now that I think about it, i probably wont see it for a long time. I hate people who take advantage of nice people; but then again, nice people can be tools sometimes. sigh :(

Rush week for APO has been exciting. I thought info night was pretty cool, mainly in part because steven is one of the greatest guy in the world. His rap and singing was so coool haha. I didn't stay too long, but we kicked it at Ruby's afterwards too. It's nice to see a majority of Xi there :] . Ultimate Frisbee was a total blast. I didn't think it'd be such a workout, but i absolutely loved how fun it was :) . LOL night was just a bunch of improv games. I went to VSA's first meeting before that. I didn't feel too comfortable at either of the events that day, but i guess it was nice to see a few faces again? I don't know. I was supposed to see an old friend, but that didnt work out, sigh. We ended up watching the dance auditions for Pac Modern(?) afterwards for quite some time.

I bought that latex mattress i really wanted. i got him to deduct the tax by paying it all in full and got a $200 tempur pedic pillow thrown in. Hopefully there won't be any defects since I don't want to deal with the warranty stuff. Damn, this was pretty expensive! But i gotta look at it like a good long-term investment :] .

Angela came from SD to chill for a couple of days. She brought butters and oh my fucking god, it is the cutest thing ever! even though it peed all over my carpet, i couldn't get mad at it :( . This is why I can't have a daughter or else i'd go crazy! We, or rather I, ate a lot. We planned some stuff down in SD which sounds really fun! She came with me to Linus for a bit and then we ended up going to my uncle's house for a family/friend get-together. I couldn't stop eating. Plenty of good food, had some drinks, and we ended the night with a fun game of poker. pretty easy tank of gas :) .

Tonight's going to be Tommy's "surprise" birthday at Thuy's. Let's end this week with a good note, shall we? :]

Liberation from OCD / Failure to Maintain Focus

2009-09-16T09:34:06Z

I've mentally lapsed in all aspects of what i've been striving for consistency in. My computer has currently stopped functioning, probably due to viruses from massive amounts of pr0n or some shit, sigh. I've taken this opportunity to end my (however many) years of daily writing about the days i go through. This has in turn put a halt to keeping track of how much I spend. Probably unwise considering how much I've spent in the more recent months. Even though I know that knowing how much i spend to the penny still probably wouldn't have that much of an effect on the craziness that is my spending. I'm going to do a lot of mental changing to fix my OCDness and become less uptight about things. But yea, since all this is happening, i'll try and make a little more time for writing here, hopefully.

So much to write about, but where to begin?

School hasn't been quite what I imagined it would be. Sure, there are a lot of cute girls but i don't really enjoy any of my classes except for Vietnamese... and that's only saying so much. APO is starting off kind of slow too. Even though i don't miss pledging one bit, I can now see why people say they do. The intensity level has waned off substantially, but Rush Week is this week so maybe the spark will come back? I hope so. I'm a little unhappy with how things ended up, or maybe I should say how things DID NOT end up. I love a lot of the people in there, it's just I still feel a little disconnected or distant from what i was originally hoping to develop with people. Ugh.

Oh yea, I ate shit bombing down a hill for the first time. Popped right back up, but damn, the wound was pretty deep. I had to go to vegas looking all gross. The original plan was pool parties only. Couldn't go to any, so i ended up playing the one game i've tried to avoid at all costs:blackjack. Big gambling with huge ass swings. Was down 2k at one point, but luckily won half of it back and then left it at that. I didn't like the impulsive actions I chose to act on. If I just had to do one thing, it would be to recall a past that I don't ever want to relive again in any way. Live by example and learn from other people's mistakes. Anyways, i played poker a couple of times. Played a tourney and wasn't feeling too good about it, but i stuck around and ended up cashing. That was my first live cash, ever :) . Sadly, it as 13th place for 190. Just 12 more players and that wouldve been 5k. The buy-in was 150 and i played for 7 hrs. FML @ $6/hr. I took that to BJ and thats how i got half of my bankroll back. There was also lots of petty drama that shouldn't have occured, but oh well, what can you do... Oh, and lastly, i drove for the longest duration of my life-- driving pretty much the whole way back from Vegas. I'm so proud of myself :) .

Yeah, since i messed up my hand and that trip to Vegas, i have felt that I pretty much let myself go--mentally and physically. I've drank a lot and still continue to do so. I smoke here and there, although i'd like to believe i'm getting better at resisting. I haven't been working out except for the occasional bike riding. My diet and nutrition has been poor. I mean, what have i been doing that's really "healthy?" Fuck!!! I can feel all the extra weight piling up right now and it's gross. Somewhere along the road, i've lost sight of my goals and my focus and determination has diminished. I need to change this, badly.

*****************************************************************************************

So now i'll divert to other tidbits i'd like to write about.

I've gotten the chance to watch a few movies recently: District 9, 9, and 500 days of summer. District 9 was WTF. Nine was pretty interesting. I liked the moral of the story and the animation was really good :] . But i'd like to mention that 500 days of summer has climbed to one of the best movies i've ever seen. There's something about it that just really hit the spot, i mean, it almost made me cry! It shared my ideals and perspective on love and all that nonsense, but at the same time it still shows the ever so fickle side of people and how a random event could change everything in the quickest way possible. I can definitely relate to Tom and what he went through. The "coming of age" at the end shows the bittersweet side that maybe we really are all just brainwashed into this ideal "love." This movie can pretty much explain how and why I can think and handle my situations the way i do pertaining to girls. I mean, really, 500 days man. That's not that long at all, and I go thru the same cycle in half the time with even more girls! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Go watch it. great movie :).

And also, if you've been reading or watching the news, i'm sure you know the story about Annie Le--yale graduate in pharmacology who was murdered in her laboratory. I don't know why this one deserves more spotlight in my eyes than any other case, but it was so disturbing to read about what happened to this beautiful, young girl who had so much ahead of herself. They find her body the day she's supposed to be married stuffed in a fucking wall! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!? Seventy-five fucking cameras that don't see her leaving and then she gets found stuffed into a wall at a fucking facility that has access to only members with a card! They detained this guy, and if he's the one that did it... oh man. I don't even want to write what I think should happen to this guy.

James' birthday is today. Jimmy's tomorrow, and then Krizia's the day after. There's a lot of birthdays in september. I feel bad that i didn't really go out of my way to say any happy wishes or stuff like that. i'm a scumbag -_-.

The End of Summer ; The Start of Fall.

2009-08-29T20:39:43Z

There's a feeling of exhilaration that comes to me when I think of the new season that's soon to come. In a couple of days, my last and final (stressful) college semester starts. I can go to sleep a little happier (maybe) that I will have a semester full of work in many aspects of my life: my career, trying to make it through my classes, and of course, the fraternity. It's a little overwhelming trying to find balance between all this and balancing time for my different groups of friends and still trying to find that special lady. That last part isn't much of a priority, but i'd like to advertise that i'm still in the hunt haha. Luckily, i've put in a lot of time to catch up on work and reorganize and re-structure a few things. There's still a lot of things i'm unprepared for though, like not buying my books for my classes yet.

I really want to remodel my room again. There's a few adjustments i want to make like returning back to a queen-sized bed. I've been researching mattresses and i'm so torn on whether i should get a tempur-pedic one or not. I want to mount my TV. I need to get rid of a lot of unused clothes. Shit, I might even throw out every shoebox of "memories" i have. I realize i don't really care to recall about my past, because it's all about the present and my future :) . There's been a lot of talk about taking a trip to Vietnam this Christmas. Quite contrary to my feelings on Vegas this coming week, I am ecstatic to go back and just RELAX! Hopefully, the end of school will lead to more time for travel. This summer has been disappointing looking back at what I had planned to do at the beginning.

Like I said earlier, it's all about the future. At the end of it all, I can only look forward to what is to come.

Oh yea, Andrew and I made it past our first day in the Bike's Bankroll Rebuilder tourney. We're coming back tonight to try and just cash first, then hopefully win :). It'll be tough though. I'm pretty short and need to get lucky once or twice to put myself in contention. Was surprised to see how bad the level of play was overall at that tourney. Too bad I didn't win when I needed the most. Oh well, that's poker for you. At least i still have chips! kk, i'll report back later. Toodles :)

relocating office? :(

2009-08-24T08:11:07Z

Jesus Christ! I've finally got a break from school... all 2 weeks of it! One week left, but I'm just glad I finished. There's no time to waste. I need to totally restructure my company and iApprove's accounting and filing system. There's honestly a lot of other things for work I need to do. We're getting ready to move and I think I'm getting my own room. Oh, the possibilities!

I need to do a lot of things for the other areas in my life. I need to go see the dentist, get my overdue Planned Parenthood checkup, and get a physical. I need to buy school books, donate all my old clothes, and clean my fucking room for God's sake.

Oh yea, I just came back from Oregon not too long ago. My mom asked me a month ago if I wanted to go with her, eric, and my grandma. I still wonder why I said yes. But even though i was positive it was going to be boring, I didn't want to pass up a chance to go somewhere new and possibly try some new activities. I wanted to go fishing for my first time but that didn't work out. The only thing worth mentioning was meeting new family and eating. The air there is so nice, and the garden that my mom's uncle has was one of the most breathtaking scenes i've ever seen. So many exotic fruit trees and colorful flowers with an astonishing mountain background covered with a forest of trees. He had a couple of ponds with so many Koi fishes and these cute walkways lol. I tried a fig for my first time too :X. But yea, not everyday where meet a cousin around your age who is pretty chill and smokes you out hahah.

On other news, I finally won the 90 man SnG i keep playing. After so many disappointing 2nds and 3rds, this win really felt surreal. The money really helps too!

Here was an interesting read.

http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/liar-in-your-life?icid=main|aimzones|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fhealthy-living%2Frelationships%2Fliar-in-your-life

Goodbye to a Good Friend.

2009-08-10T09:29:56Z

Hello August. I think you and I shall make a deal. Venetian has given me a comped room again for Labor Day weekend. I am very excited because the plan is to attend a couple of pool parties which will consume a majority of our time spent there. This will mean less time gambling, which i am totally content with. However, i have some extra baggage that I would like to dispose of from my mid-section.

So in these 4 weeks, I shall make use of all your hours and re-dedicate myself to fitness and dieting which i was pretty vigilant about before. By the time I leave, I shall be 4-5lbs lighter and feel a little less worried about my pudginess :P

It's been a week since i've started and i've limited myself to 1 beer and 1 cigarette so far. Not bad compared to my regular consumption, but i tried to completely eliminate it for this whole month plan--which i guess didn't work out. I've been biking a lot, lifting with jimmy and andrew, and still making time for ball so i'm not going to worry so much. I tried fixing the bad eating habits but it's so fucking hard man. I have no sense of portion control because my stomach is so huge.

Biking has been so fun. It's such a relaxing activity and i can't believe i didn't get into this when i was younger! I just bought an SE Lager and spent like 5 bills on this, so i'm going to force myself to make it worth the money. I think it'll be easier after college. I might just bike everywhere after, like to work and do errands and all that good stuff :).

And last, but not least, i'm sad to say that my summer companion has left. In the last couple of months that i've gotten to know her, we've hung out like practically every day. I totally felt comfortable with her without ever having to force anything. We did so many activities, and it was just nice to do some of things we did with a girl. She's a beautiful girl in every way, inside and out. Of course, it all has to end in a bitter-sweet way. The story of my fucking life. Hopefully something will come of it in the future... Either it be the next summer or when she graduates, who knows. I don't think I can stay the good guy she wants to be. I just went into our relationship with no expectations and leave with the same. It just wouldn't work out any other way. Ah!

Anyways, I think this woman and I share the same idealized thought of how a relationship should be and to break away from such traditional way of thinking. We ARE brainwashed!

http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/open-marriage?icid=main|aimzones|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.aolhealth.com%2Fhealthy-living%2Frelationships%2Fopen-marriage

Goodbye July.

2009-07-30T09:57:49Z

Things have been eventful (i think) these last few weeks. But then again, i'm speaking in terms of finding things to do. It's just nothing has really stood out in terms of being that "memorable." So overall, life is STILL fucking boring.

I'd like to mention that my barber messed up my hair and I let vincent shave my head which makes me look really AzN :[ .

I've been partying a lot. I've drank a lot and played so many beer pong games. It's crazy, but it passes the nights away.

However, i've displayed a horrible trend of decision making as of late. It's as if i've regressed to my former ways in high school. I'm acting wrecklessly, without thinking of the repercussions of my actions. Just not too long ago, a couple of things went awry due to alcohol, albeit not from my consumption, but it was still annoying. Stupid belligerent guy!

Pink'ys birthday passed too. Got to see "The Trio" + Krissi after quite some time. Bad jokes anyone? >:]
- "im starting to lose my hair, phillip. there's nothing worse than a hairy bald man." LOLOLOLOLOLOL!

i've even resorted back to using some "substances." This is in addition to my sex drive that has gone haywire. I held off girls for so long trying to wait and see what would come of it. Chaos. I went on a rampage for a while. But then I met this one girl who tied me down a bit during this later period of summer. Coincidentally, she lives one house over diagonally from my house. I know, weird, right?!

I've mentioned her before previously (Laura). We've been hanging out a lot, getting real close. I've done things i haven't with a girl in a long time. I'd even admit that i'd love to be with her. She's a family pleaser, smart, ambitious, talented, and sweet. But of course, it's never that easy with me, huh? School in NY for 3 more years? Fuck man. Well, something happened last night and it just put some doubt into me. I hate this. I hate everything. FMLoveL!

i hate being driven so impulsively by my emotions. I hate loving people so much. it's been a fad that i love people whose name start with the letter 'K.' but they're the ones who also hurt me the most :( . ihy, babe </3.

Vegas Part 2 & My Loves.

2009-07-15T08:32:49Z

I just got back from Vegas... at 9 on the morning of Monday. The guys decided they wanted to have more fun and try to recover some of their losses so I just stayed and accomodated their wants. What else could I do? We ate chinese food and they got some money transferred to them and decided to gamble. We went to Planet Hollywood. This was my second time here and wow, it does not disappoint. The dealers are ALL eye-candies. They make em dress up all sexy so i'm just watching Alex play BJ and enjoying the view haha. Alex went on a pretty good run and gave me 100 back. Killed time at Pai-Gow and came up. Not a bad way to finish the trip (even though I just wanted to go home)! Prior to this, a lot had happened.

I don't really want to go into too much details because i'm kinda lazy right now. But the weekend in a nutshell:

I got us comped rooms at Venetian. We had 2 bottles of Hennessy between 4 guys. We had lots of drugs (i didn't use too much thankfully). All this combined with a total disregard of sleep will make for a lot of fun and a lot of torture on a human body. This isn't even including the excessive drinking and smoking EVERYWHERE, especially at the table games. My idea of not gambling at all completely failed the second we checked in. Although I have to say that i had pretty good control most of the time. Left at my limits and just that last trip to PH gave me a free trip + more. The only thing that got to me was the food choices made. We go to Vegas and spend so much money on gambling and all this bullshit and some people wanted to EAT on a budget. WTF!? Makes no sense, and I will never tolerate such crap ever again! But yea, definitely a fun trip. Went to TAO to clubbing. I can't believe how many GORGEOUS azn girls go there. Of course, I still haven't overcome approach anxiety at a club. I don't think I ever will. Lotsa jokes and fucking around. It was chill hangin with the guys. But that's Obvi, Bro! :} hahah

Came home and started my last summer class. Lots of cute azn girls in this class too. Too bad i sit in the corner where none of them are, SIGH. Had the chance to also go stargazin with my neighbor over some yogurt. Again, some deep and wonderful talks with her. And then this talk with the love of my life ;] <3.

phil o so fickL3 (12:22:30 AM): ihy

k): ily too

k): -____________-

k: that was sly huh

k: 8)

kokay, now CHILL out

k keep that to yourself

k no one needs to know =)

phil o so fickL3 (12:24:54 AM): profile

phil o so fickL3 (12:24:55 AM): hahahha

phil o so fickL3 (12:24:56 AM): LOL

phil o so fickL3 (12:25:02 AM): dont hate me please

phil o so fickL3 (12:25:04 AM): im just so happpy

phil o so fickL3 (12:25:06 AM): u dont understand

phil o so fickL3 (12:25:09 AM): im jumping up and down

phil o so fickL3 (12:25:13 AM): (::::

k: LOL

k: i heard you giggle like a little girl from here

k: phillip

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:05 AM): ?

k: i hope you know i appreciate and somewhat <3 you

k: and am

k: very glad i met you this year

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:19 AM): STOPPp

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:20 AM): FSDL:FK:KFJDF

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:29 AM): my heart

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:30 AM): ...

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:32 AM): fluttering

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:33 AM): T_TT

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:43 AM): LOL

k: you made my freshman year that much better

phil o so fickL3 (12:28:46 AM): ...."somewhat"

k: and my pledging that much more ..interesting

k: SO NOW STOP BEING A WOMAN

k: hahahaha

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:01 AM): :]]]

k): i had to add the some what

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:08 AM): i canttttt

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:09 AM): stop

k: so i dont sound like a homo

k: HAHA

k: =]

k: okay

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:17 AM): u gotta put it down on me like a man

k: no more

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:22 AM): cuz i am a woman

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:23 AM): :[

k: thats your dose of love

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:28 AM): okokok

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:28 AM): :]

k for the entire rest of the year

k: so soak it up now

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:37 AM): sigh

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:38 AM): :\

phil o so fickL3 (12:29:42 AM): i love you.

k: because you wont ever hear me speak like a little weiner again

k: hahaha

k): <3

k: FAG

i loveeee this girl :] . The word appreciate is the one I really want to make stand out. This year has given me the opportunity to meet quite a few wonderful people that I truly feel comfortable in building a long-lasting relationship with. I will truly appreciate these people and our memories!

cow_go_moo @ 2009-07-08T17:20:00

2009-07-09T00:54:14Z

I'm breaking out horribly :( . All this drinking, smoking, partying and having fun with a wack sleeping schedule has caught up to me and my skin sighhh. This is what i get for being good at beer and ping pong hahah T_T.

So this weekend was quite a contrast to the boring one i blogged about last week. Of course, this is understandable because it was 4th of July! I had a dilemma about going to Vegas with Mom and such. Only after it was too late that I found out that a lot of people I would have loved to gone with went that weekend too! Oh well, there's this weekend. Fuck it! I don't even want to go because I don't want to gamble. Why does everyone only want to go to Vegas for. What about a real vacation like Hawaii or Florida or New York or something!?

Speaking of vacations... Vincent left for Japan! :( . House is going to be a little more quiet and less random, oy! Lucky bastard.

I just finished taking my Final for Fin350. Good chance i actually passed, so no more worrying about that. Econ test tomorrow and duke has a copy! I just need a 50% to get my goal :] .

I have the luxury of not studying. I've been using my time to hang out with the new loves of my life. Watched public enemy with Karen. What's wrong with elbows? : ( <333. Watched Pineapple Express with Laura the next night and talked for a bit. I adore her more everytime I hang out with her. We hung out the night after too. I've lost a lot of sleep b/c of this girl but it's well worth it. She's on another level when it comes to chatting. Karen sent me Taylor's "you belong to me" video and i fucking fell in love with it. It reminds me of Laura!! hahah, but i'm the girl and she's the guy :( . I found out she plays piano too and she was playin it by ear, WOW!

Well, wrapping up some spending time with big to play ball. Things have been pretty good lately :]

p90x @_@

2009-07-06T05:34:53Z

I've been seeing Jimmy a lot more frequently. We've done a couple sessions of p90x and I have to admit that it's pretty intense. My entire body is completely sore, my muscles feel torn, and it hurts with every movement I make. Other than this, we've been having lunches a lot too lol. It's a good thing that I now have someone to motivate me to be more active in a more serious manner.

We're closing up the 5th week of summer school. Next week is Finals and the end of my tedious 2 class per week schedule. I start again the following Monday wiht my Marketing class. I think i'll probably slack off even more and enjoy my extra 2 days that I don't have to go to school! Thank goodness everything worked out accordingly and I don't have to worry about failing either classes. If anything, I might do better than previously anticipated with passing grades instead of "D"s haha. The art of cheating and bullshitting, ahhh :] .

Mom came into my room and just started talking to me. From time to time, we have these little h2hs and i really enjoy them with her lol. I think we talked about girls this time. Sad story. :[

such a boring weekend!

2009-06-29T22:30:08Z

It's been a while since i've had such a weekend that I was so deathly bored out of my mind. Usually, i would enjoy my time alone and find ways to keep me busy. But I think i've gotten so used to being around people that that was really what i wanted!

Friday was an absolutely bad day. Just passed the time playing poker and lost everything i touched -_-. I found a new anime to kill some time and it's a free hobby so i'll just take it for now. I just worked all day and then lingered in my room all night with this uneasy restlessness. :[

Saturday was more or less the same for the most part. Hung out with my brothers during the day. Found more meaningless activities to kill time. Played beer pong with Jimmy and teaching him the game lol. Laura invited me to go to a lounge with her and her friends. Seeing that I couldn't allow myself a repeat of Friday, i gleefully accepted. Meeting strangers is pretty cool. Went to Irvine and the first place was kind of weird. Lots of old people and the music was like techno, not even house. Might as well gone to EDC -___-;; . We decided on a new place, Code, which had a better dance floor. This itself didn't kill too much time but I had fun and talkin with Laura at the end of the night was chill too. Beautiful girl, inside and out. Too bad nothing more will escalate :P .

Had a nice lunch with family on Sunday at Quan Hy. Jimmy came over and I tried out the p90x shit I heard about with him. We worked on legs and I did back. Definitely intense ass workout. Looked like homos, especially since vincent's friends were walking in on us LOL -_-. Had boiling crab with vincent and his friends. It's kinda sad that i'm tagging along 18 year olds, sigh -_-.

It's amazing all the change we've grown through. Seeing things in hindsight is really fun sometimes :]

This was a really good read too. I think I've gotten most of it naturally. :].
shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/happiness-3-amazing-tips-from-the-worlds-oldest-case-study-479340/

Turn of Events..

2009-06-26T09:04:38Z

Just when I believed that i was finally starting to turn around in my favorite past-time, lady luck decides to play with me a little and tested me to see how I would handle the situation. Once again I have failed miserably in my attempt to limit the negative variance that comes into this game. I didn't feel like playing that day but Alex had called me up and asked me to come so I did. I lost my limit before he even got there. I decided to up the ante a little bit and got murdered. I then proceeded to keep playing horribly and chose bad spots to gamble and I paid the price for every bad decision i made that day. I lost pretty much everything I had work for up to this one day.
I was honestly feeling real good, but that was just another reality check. I wish I weren't so results-oriented but I guess it's natural tendency for a recreational player just like myself.

On a side note, I just got 2nd in a 24+2 tourney 90-man SnG. I played very conservatively at the end and wisely chose my spots. The cards somewhat ran my way. I was 2:1 underdog heads up and it was AIPF with a10 v 88. I hit an ace on the flop and he hits a fucking miracle 8 on the river. All this bullshit just like the shootout is really bugging me. Fucking full-tilt bastards!

On other news besides poker, I got my phone back after Kristen's party. It was actually a little difficult without it because I was having withdrawals from someone :P . I had a very random call by Krizia that day and it was unfortunate I couldn't see her and *ahem. I decided to cheer up by going to DnB and buying drinks for people and playing games and (sort of but not really) meeting a couple of Sandy's friends who were quite cute. Had some interesting talks with people and drinking shots of Henn with pineapple and owning people at scrabble again :] .

Summer school's 1st session is in the 2nd to last week before it ends. I'm constantly finding ways to escape the perils of boredom and to somehow still manage to survive these classes. Once this session is over i'm going to make time for much funnnerrr things yayyy!

I'm sure everyone knows now that M.Jackson is dead. An interesting end to such an accomplished guy whose life became so bizarre at the end. At least he's a huge part of history. R.i.P sir.

WHAT THE FUCK!?

2009-06-24T07:59:46Z

That's exactly what i was thinking when I woke up at 6:30 AM in the parking lot of Hawaiian Gardens hahaha. Last night was crazy and had a sort of "The Hangover"-esque feel to it. My memory is a little fragmented, but i'll try and piece together what happened.

I had my usual routine of work in the morning and doing whatever i needed to do. Went to class at 1 and endured another day of his lecture with poker and texting :) . This whole unlimited thing isn't so bad. I don't have to worry about how much to use a day and shit it in the back of my mind anymore!

Em was still sleeping so I decided to go to the casino to kill time since I was planning on going to Kristen's anyways. I didn't eat for a while so I ordered this chicken sandwich that was really really bomb haha. Great fucking choice! Food at HG is so good and so cheap. I think it's worth it just to go and eat and leave, but i never do that so... :] . Anyways, the poker session was ok. Had this crazy guy who wanted to kill some time and kept stacking off then kept doubling by going all in blind. He busted after a while and then normal poker resumed. He kind of had me a little tilted but I was ok once he was gone. Had a good run of cards and people were paying me off. Was up quite a bit and if Karen had made it on time I would have left at my peak profit. I got a little restless and decided to throw some money around. It's ok though; I left a happy camper.

We hung out at LBTC. People-watching and critiquing. She's my assistant to finding a decent gf haha :] <3. We went to the arcade and then i realized how bad she is at everything. STOP DYING AT TIME CRISIS >:[ . Ate at daphne's and then we went to get Sabrina. Her failed attempt to scare her was pretty funny lol. Driving to Kristen's and this is where all the mishaps begin! Met some of her friends/relatives who are really some chill people. Saw the beer-pong set and I already knew where this was going. Lost 1st game with bryant and then picked up Tommy as my partner. In between winning and destroying everyone, we threw in shots of goose and all this other bulllllshit. Bad fucking idea! I think we probably went thru like 7 games undefeated. It was a little rowdy, but a whole lot of fun :) . Peeing everywhere, then throwing up everywhere. Died in the car and got dropped off at HG where I believe I KO'd til 6:30! The drive home was wonderfully pleasant ( yay for sarcasm) !

Family Time.

2009-06-22T08:28:40Z

It's been quite a family/poker-filled weekend. My last post sums up Friday. Saturday, i went with my family up to Moreno Valley area to check out some houses that I think we're going to be investing in? We then proceeded to Morongo and feasted at their buffet. With this family, it is always a fucking bad idea to choose a buffet. None of us have self-control and we (especially me) all dine til our stomachs just won't allow us to suck in anymore. I went to check out Burberry again and no luck once again. Gambling was ok. On this day, I had self-control and left when i was playing bad and got a little lucky in Pai-Gow so I came up a little bit :] . Talking and joking with the cousins and brothers was really fun. It's always a great feeling when I get to hang out with them :)

Sunday was dads' day.Father's Day is kind of a bittersweet day for me. Mother's day is no problem, but this day is kind of like an annual reminder of certain things I will keep to myself. I called my dad and told him I loved him. I really hope he's doing ok. I also really hope to make time to see him sometime this year-- this summer,maybe? We also went to grandpa's grave and prayed a little bit. Mom was shouting at me indirectly this morning about not going to church. I had a self-reflection about my thoughts of religion and it's kind of something that I know I can't get through to my mom about. I just stay quiet and hope she subsides. Religion is a pretty heavy topic and I'd like to stay away from it as much as possible. For me, it's just something that i've grown to form beliefs about from what i've learned and have continuously reformed through my life experiences.

On a lighter note, I finally got to see Pinky today after fucking forever. Fucking bitchass, how am i suppsoe to call you a best-friend when you suck at it?! We played ball and Vo came by much later. Had fun playin 1v1 with him and then a few 21 games and then ending it with a 2v2 that me and pinky won :]. We played for a while and my shot was on fucking fire! I loved it! Had a delicious dinner and then had a horrible poker night. This then led to a phone call with someone I now hate!

UCI Romanian and Viet.. October until LAST WEEK!??! I freaking HATE you!!! AHHH :[[[[ sigh.

If i knew i had 39 days left to live... I would tell you that I loved you everyday.

Distraught Poker Player.

2009-06-20T09:16:53Z

It's funny how some things work out. I had a lot of plans to choose from for this Friday evening. Somehow they all kind of fizzled out and I'm at home playing poker and am somewhat deep in 2 tourneys.

--Flash Forward to Now-- I'm about to cry, journal. Seriously. It's been years since i've cried, but tears wanna stream down my face right now. Here's the story: 7th fucking place. 836 players and i get 7th fucking place. The opportunity was there. Lady luck wasn't.

QJ on a raised pot. flop is QQx. I bet and get raised. Obviously AA. Shoved it in and saw what i wanted. However... Turn Card A! WEEEEE. 2 fucking outs to beat me and he gets it. That was just a tease; i'm not out yet. I aggressively fight my way back to get some chips then i have Ks8 on a raised pot. Flop = 5s6s7s. he has two pair. 17 fucking outs to beat him and i miss every single fucking card. SOOOO FUCKING SAD!

Had i won, i would've taken a buddy or two and relaxed on the beaches of Hawaii. Even 2nd or 3rd place. 4th place i would've been happy as fuck because that was still a 1k payout. The thought that i was the bubble of the final table irks me too. i just wanted to see the blue screen and enjoy the sheer excitement of another one of these. This was my biggest buy-in yet tho. Even tho i satellited in, it just depresses me that i was so close but ended so so far away.

Well that was poker for tonight. Even though i'm sad, this gave me another boost of confidence in my playing. Timing was just a little off, but hopefully it'll be better next time.

So what's been new with me; let's see. I got my test results back for both classes. DId bad, but MUCH better than i had predicted. This means i don't need to drop and I figured out how to beat their systems. i WILL finish this year.

Going to the classes take up a lot of time. Even when i'm not there, i'm at work. The office is still bustling. Plenty of work for me to do and watching things from my perspective is pretty nice. Plenty of $ to be made--soon enough.

All this work but i still have time for play of course. Whatever and whoever I can throw in, i do. Been having fun lunches/dinners wtih people. Getting my drink on here and there. Been clubbing more this past week for whatever reason. I still fucking hate it -_-.

Finally met our neighbor, but under very unusual circumstances. I guess it still works out though. She's pretty damn chill and can keep up lol. Smart, cute, AND close to me :] . Nothing will probably happen though; she seems more like a friend than anything.

More has happened but i'll update later. Taking a family trip to Morongo again, except with all my brothers this time.

Too much fun?

2009-06-15T07:33:13Z

It's been a crazy weekend. I'm actually quite disoriented at the moment from Nerissa's but I feel like blogging.I woke up dazed at her house. I was having some lucid dreams and kept thinking things that weren't really what they seemed to be. I was out of it, but thank God no hangover, surprisingly. This is a day after I slept at 5 after Ryan's party and got woken up by my mom pretty early. I think I played one too many beer pong games. It's so much fun though! Ah and now I just finished a day at the uncle's house and then Tania's bbq. Made no time to study for my tests tomorrow and Tuesday, oy. I got to catch up with Daphne for a little bit too, so that was pretty chill.

Too much partying this weekend. All play makes for a tired me :( . I think I should really cut back on all this nonsense and get back to healthy form. My workouts and dieting has been really bad. I'm still smoking, sigh. Not to mention i'm forming this wonderful beer belly -_-.

On a good note, i finally got a car wash. and then 'phun-'phil'led phridays' with my chi lolll.

Things are beginning to get that boring feeling agian. I want to do something fuckin crazy right now. I'm so down to just go get my back tatted up spontaneously haha. I finally have an idea, but I guess I need to go get it drawn up or something and figure out how much it costs!

I'm trying my best to be happy with all i have. But it's just human nature of me to always want more.

Happy Birthday Chi Tania! <3

Happy B-day Karen <3 :]

2009-06-10T10:32:23Z

It was a struggle getting up today. I managed to come into work even later than I normally do. Paid the price by having to work non-stop to get everything done. Eating at Pho Kimmy with Leon again. Pretty damn good Pho there and the company was cool :] .

Didn't get out early enough to hang with Karen like we planned but we tried to work things out. Finished up all my work and errands and then headed to school early. Ate at Cha for Tea by myself and then went to class to start the hw. Ended up ditching class thinking I can easily get a D without going. That's what everyone else said so I guess we'll see how this works. Called Karen and went to Cerritos area to meet up at BJs. That place was crackin cuz of the lakers game. Ended up eating at Olive Garden and talkin and swappin stories. Talking with this girl is fun, but she doesn't need to be reminded because she knows. Don't get cocky, punk.

Went to Heat for my first time because Krissi needed a date. Waited for Krissi and a couple of her friends. Saw some people I knew and just tried to make the most of it. Wasn't really in a clubbing mood but I had a pretty chill time. Couple of drinks, some dancing, seeing and talkin to James and Nikki. So many fuckin cute girls there @_@ . My fucking life, man!

Some side-notes:

Sue also gave birth, AHHH! I feel like an uncle now :]
Happy Bday Em <333
OK LENA! You'll get your text soon :)

6/5/09-6/7/09--Vegas Vacation :]

2009-06-09T08:01:56Z

So I can finally cross off one place on my list: Vegas.

Just got back from Vegas and I kinda miss it already. Finishing class and then coming home early made me sad because it reminded me that it's so easy to get bored :(

Overall, the trip was pretty fun. I'm glad i can say that considering the large amount of money I lost and how mean lady luck was to me. Of course I played nearly perfect playing poker and the results show. I just wish I didn't wait until the last day to do so. I could have fricking bought into a WSOP event with the amount of money I lost at Pai-gow and Craps and BJ :( . SIGHH!!

Didn't eat that often, but it was really good when we did. Lots of drinking and partying. Clubbing was a bust the first night but I changed my mentality for the 2nd night. I had fun, but I can't believe how much of a pussy I am at the clubs. I had a lot of opportunities that I should have taken but chose not to despite KNOWING it is as easy as anywhere else. It's just something about the club environment that i'm uncomfortable about. Maybe it's the loud music or the darkness combined with approaching a complete stranger that doesn't seem to arouse my urge to meet new people. Well, i've never been really a fan of clubbing so maybe it's just not my scene.

I had fun with our little group. The race to see who could finish a Yard first was an absolutely dreadful idea. I've never felt shittier in my life hahah sigh. I had a really fun last day too. I decided to dedicate it to poker and played until the end of the lakers game which I bet on. The only time I bet the lakers and they fucking don't cover the spreads, donkeys! Anyways, I met and talked to a lot of characters at my tables. This old man, Tom was absolutely a wonderful guy to talk to about Poker and sports and history and shit. Pretty great guy. Then there was Guadalupe, who played with a wreckless abandon and won hands at others' expense but donated to me. My swings were pretty wide playing with her, but it was a thrill to play with her. Honestly, that was the best game i've probably ever played in my career so I definitely enjoyed that.

Now i'm just hoping my next adventure comes soon and I can do something more useful with my money then losing it to the casino :(

Oh yea, I put myself out there for someone. Probably not the best choice but something I needed to do. I haven't done that act in a very long time. Too bad it seems like it won't go my way. Oh well.

UP! :]

2009-06-04T08:12:30Z

Had to wake up early to join Nerissa for her first day at work to break her in.
This was at the expense of my sleep :[ .
Had a lot of work and watched her act all timid and shy haha. She wasn't this soft-spoken before :P
Hanging out with Melanie to cheer her up and stuff. Ate at Mimis and then went to Econ.
It was kind of like scary how much i wrote for notes. I didn't think i could stay awake the whole time lol.
I got duke and danny in my class too so it's cool.

Had some interesting phone calls after that haha. I get myslef into the weirdest situations. Random.
Watched drag me to hell. I was actuallly scared :[ . Kind of interesting movie to say the least.
I relaly enjoy having people to talk to late at night again! <3

Day after wasn't all that differnt. Slept late, but had to wake up early to take JP to school.
The last fucking day that i ever have to drive him to SJB! YAY!
Went to work early so i could finish all my stuff so i could play ball with APO.
Runnin a couple of games and then runnin to class.
So fucking pissed that i missed attendance by 20 seconds and he wouldnt even give it to me.
FUCK this teacher.
Guppy's after with some Xi class. Only me and karen for a while.
Had a nice time talkin and eatin; it was pretty chill. We had lots of fun and interesting topics :]

Saw UP with them and Scarlet. I think people overhyped it too much for me.
Wasn't as cute as I thought, but it had a lot of good moments heheh :]
Going home and ended up having a really long webcamming session with a lot of APO people lol.

Had a nice catch-up talk with Ms OC girl. I'm over all these girl situations, wahhh. Fuck it!

Roscoe's

2009-06-02T08:48:43Z

So i woke up to take JP to school and noticed the ground was covered in water.
I guess it rained last night.
Yay for a wonderful Southern California summer. -_-

Why has it been so gloomy?! I mean i love this weather, but my one week off was cloudy and i didn't get to hit the beach once!

So i went back to sleep and then headed off to work. I fought to get Nerissa that job because i felt bad since i got her hopes all high.
Finished up working and then headed off to class. I didn't eat since breakfast and i sat through over 3 hour of this idiot without a break. I mean he's smart, but he fucking talks about useless shit and goes off tangent from the subject.

Anyways, i hit up the casino after. Had a really nitty table and played patiently til the end. Still had a losing session but oh well.
Went to Roscoe's for the first time. It was our class get-together for dinner. The waffles are pretty damn good lol. Had a bomb ass chicken/cheese omelette too! We talked for a while which was chill. Jokin the whole night away :] .

Joseph better fucking re-pledge again, that bastard!

Finished there and then went to TapEx to talk with Steven. ahhh, father <3.

Skateboarding in the misty night for milk with vincent was pretty fun. Had a good workout and concluded my day.

Why put up so much effort for someone who doesn't seem to give a damn?

Just when i'm feeling like we're getting closer
Lady you turn around and drift apart
And now you've got me in a state of confusion
I just don't understand what we are
Tell me girl exactly what it is that you doin'
I know you're feeling my company
But is that all i am to you
Kicking back with someone new
Is that all you want?

Say that you don't care and i'll walk away
Say that you don't give a damn and i won't stay
But if you feel the same way that i feel
Girl you gotta show it
Cuz girl i wanna know it

Don't tell me you don't know the situation
Girl i know you know what's goin' on
How we be chillin' all day
And making love all night
And still i sense that something is wrong
Maybe there's a part of you that's scared and cautious
Maybe you just don't feel the same
Well whatever it could be
Baby just be straight with me
What exactly is it you want?

What is it you feelin'? what is it you're needin'?
I know you know what's goin' on
So if you feel the same way that i feel
Lady c'mon break it down
Tell what is it you want

Just tell me. tell me what you want.
Baby just tell me. tell me what you want.
Just tell me. tell me what you want...

unlimited texting :]

2009-06-01T07:44:58Z

Went to Sharkee'z for their Sunday Brunch with family before James goes back to LA.
The food was unfitting to my stomach but it was fun chillin with the fam.

Went to the lab and south coast with vincent. He's such a little nyam.
Selling useless clothes, but they didn't take everything. Bastards.
Yard sale? Donate?

Had a nice dinner with family. 3 different kinds of meat: chicken, bbq ribs, and crab. pretty bomb.
Went to play ball. Got smacked in the face. Eye hurt, nose bled, lip felt weird.
If i get pink eye or a cold sore, i would just like to die.

Going home to clean up. I'm not ready to start school yet :[ .
Had some talks with Mel and Karen . :]
Death: such a sad thing.

But a new week begins and I hope things look UP! ( i wanna see that movie so badly)!

Oh yea, i changed my plan so i could get unlimited texts starting next month. Let's experiment and see if things will be different now lol.

bye big :'[

2009-05-31T09:24:52Z

I got called for a dinner for Mika's going away dinner. How sad! :[ .
Had a long day at work and then had to leave early to go buy her gifts and stuff.
It's great when we're together; but sometimes i wonder...
Anyways, dinner was at Claim Jumper. So much for not eating a lot.
Had a giant schrooner of blue moon which was absolutely delicious.
I've been spending a lot of money lately. It's really bad.
Finishing the night with beer pong and gettin pretty draded lol!
Quite a fun night. Ended it with a little talk with mika and then somehow driving home.
I think Daphne kept me company on the phone ^^

Woke up on a Saturday and had to step into the office.
Did some accounting stuff and making plans.
Went to the bank and saw Kim. Helpin me out and stuff. Rawr @ this girl.
Went to Brodard and had lunch with jimmy. Silly guy -_-.
Going home and ended up going to Cabazon with Mom and Eric.
Stopped by the outlet stores. All the times i've gone up here and this is my first time shopping, WOW!
Lots of stores i never realized were here. Of course, all the good stuff was gone and i walked thru an entire plaza without buying anything. Burberry ran out of polos and R&R had nothinggg, wahhh. i wanted these shades at armani, but $340!
Do i really need it? nahhh. So i ended up going to some hut and bought 2 for 20 hahah :]

Went to the casino after. Had a good table to start with some loose/weak players. Lost my first buyin real quick but got it all back + more. Mom and eric wanted to eat dinner so i had to leave. Asian food wasn't that good. Should've went back to poker but felt the need to play table games. It's supposed to be our "vacation" so i guess gambling isn't so bad. Played Blackjack and lost. hit Pai-gow and was winning but ended up losing all the profit. Went back to poker and donked off my chips playing scared. Wonderful.

Ended up going to Pai-Gow and had a really great seat. Won that session and ended up losing $80 for the night. Nothing to cry about or anything, but i hate losing.

Summer school is almost here :[ .

reflexOWlogy and business conversations.

2009-05-29T10:28:42Z

Today was a pretty typical day. I woke up and then just headed straight to work. Doing payroll stuff and then eating a little bit. Ate again not too long after. Mom asked me if I wanted to go get a massage and all i could say was, "fuck yea!"

So do you want a man or a woman? "He needs a strong man" mom says. So of course, i get this big, strong dude and he tears the shit out of my shoulders. In my head, i was screaming and writhing in pain. Not once did he realize and he kept doin the same shit over and over. Thankfully, it got better towards the end, but i felt so fucking sore. I don't think massages are supposed to make you feel like that :[.

So i also found out we needed to hire a receptionist. I was thinking this person could be my personal assistant too >:]. I called Kasey and Nerissa. Torn :(. Either would work great though hehehe, silly girls!

Today was a day of talks about the company. I had one with Liz when we were the last ones leaving. We talked about our structure and expenses and profits and how things were and could be. It didn't really open my eyes, per se, but rather made me contemplate about a lot of different aspects to look at. There's a lot i want to do to restructure my entire accounting side plus all the appraisal side. I just want school out of the way so i can run more efficiently instead of half-assing everything. I barely even have time to have fun without thinking of work now. It's dawning on me that i'm growing up too quick and my "good" years might just zip by without me realizing :[.

I went home late and sat down with mom to discuss what me and Liz talked about. Of course, hearing the side of an employee vs an employer is always interesting. It's great that i get to hear both parties and understand the dynamics of how things work. Mom enlightened me on a few things and yea, that was that.

Had a great ball session today. Jimmy and Tony were there so we got some good games in. Good shit! Ended up picking up andrew and sandy for poker too. Played fucking late. Playing with these friends doesn't really make for good practice since i fuck around so much. Oh well.

Walking Ceremony.

2009-05-28T08:58:50Z

So i've been kind of distraught lately.
My mind and imagination has been acting up again, but i kind of swayed it by cleaning vigorously.
I cleaned out a lot of my closet and completely refurnished and redecorated my entire office space.
Finally looks clean for once. It'll also be definitely organized to my liking when i'm finished.
Having Leon as a co-worker is so great. Such a fucking thoughtful and hard-worker. Honestly, i love the guy.

A lot has been happening.
Work has pretty much been stable in an erratic way.
I went on a whim and decided to walk since Nerissa pleaded me to lol.
I let everyone know a day before, which was kind of bad.
I figured no one would know about me, but to my surprise, i saw a lot of people aww :]]
I love my friends and family! <333
All the OC ppl went too for a few guys, was kinda awkward running into them.
Had Kabukis for dinner. I guess it was a day to see EVERYONE, because i ended up seeing this beautiful, yet dumb (lack of better word) girl. It was nice to see her, but i don't know. oh well.

Had good talks with family. Getting some extra $ doesn't hurt either.

Girl situation is still complicated. Always get what i don't want and never get what i do want.
Had some interesting talks today. I like knowing that i have someone who i can actually talk on the phone with again. She's cool. <3.

I'm trying to resist
but your lips like sugar :(
and you got me sprung, sigh.